Breaking the Habit
by PhantomElphaba
Summary: Songfic based on Likink Park's Breaking the Habit. read and review. Rated for one bad word and drug use. Nothing major. Just playin it safe.


**Hello. Well, here I am with another songfic. This one came about when I had absolutely nothing to do in Creative Writing. I was listening to "Breaking the Habit" and thinking about _RENT_ at the same time. The result is as follows.**

**For those of you who didn't catch it, this is movie-based.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own either _RENT_ - which belongs to Johnathon Larson - or "breaking the Habit" - which belongs to Linkin Park.**

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Breaking the Habit

Mimi sat on her bed, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them. She was visibly shaking as she rocked back and forth, biting her bottom lip. Tears streamed down her cheeks as memories from the past nearly eleven months flashed before her eyes:

_Dancing on the table with Angel…  
Cheering Maureen on at her protest…  
Kissing Roger on New Year's…  
Watching Angel slam a trash can into the padlocked door...  
Crying for hours after Angel died...  
Crying at the funeral...  
Crying after Roger left..._  
Mimi cried as she thought of these and other memories. It was a wonder to her that she had any tears left.

**_Memories consume  
_****_Like opening the wounds  
_****_I'm picking me apart again  
_****_You all assume  
_**_**I'm safe here in my room  
****Unless I try to start again**_

Instinctively, she reached over to her nightstand. She stopped herself and quickly pulled her hand back. No, she thought. She couldn't keep doing this -- destroying her body to keep herself from collapsing. Every time she went into withdrawal, her mind and body waged a fierce battle within her. She couldn't take it much longer.

**_I don't want to be the one  
_****_The battles always choose  
_**_**'Cause inside I realize  
****That I'm the one confused**_

How would she go on? She couldn't think of a single reason to keep on living this shell of a life. Maureen and Joanne had broken up and weren't speaking to each other. Mark was consumed with work. Collins was depressed and back at MIT, anyway. Roger had abandoned her for Santa Fe. And Benny…Benny was just a jackass. When she thought of how he had messed with Roger's mind and planted the seeds of distrust towards her, fierce anger burned within her. She grabbed a pillow, buried her face in it, and screamed.  
She realized how screwed up her own life was. When Roger had said he was leaving, she had totally lost her cool. Why had she said those things to him? Oh, how she missed him!

**_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
_****_Or why I have to scream  
_****_I don't know why I instigate  
_****_And say what I don't mean  
_****_I don't know how I got this way  
_****_I know it's not all right  
_****_So I'm breaking the habit  
_****_I'm breaking the habit  
_****Tonight**

Mimi tightly gripped the needle as she as she made her way to the door. She locked it, turned, and fell to her floor with her back against the wall. She looked at the needle in her shaking hand and weakly tossed it away. As her shaking intensified, she wrapped her arms around herself and slowly rocked back and forth. She didn't want to give in, but she was running out of options.

**_Clutching my cure  
_****_I tightly lock the door  
_****_I try to catch my breath again  
_****_I hurt much more  
_**_**Than anytime before  
****I had no options left again**_

As she continued shaking, voices in her head began yelling, fighting with each other:  
_You need those drugs…  
Don't listen, Mimi!  
You're nothing without them  
You have to try.  
Roger left you because you were weak without them  
He had his own problems.  
You're nothing.  
_Mimi held her head in her hands and sobbed. She didn't know what to do. She was so confused.

**_I don't want to be the one  
_****_The battles always choose  
_**_**'Cause inside I realize  
****That I'm the one confused**_

Slowly, she crawled on the floor to where the needle had landed. She picked it up, held it to her wrist, and bit her lip as needle pierced her skin. When the syringe was empty, she sobbed. She had given in. She felt disgusted with herself.  
_I can't stay here_, she realized. _I have to leave._ She stood and hurried out the door.

**_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
_****_Or why I have to scream  
_****_I don't know why I instigate  
_****_And say what I don't mean  
_****_I don't know how I got this way  
_****_I know it's not all right  
_****_So I'm breaking the habit  
_**_**I'm breaking the habit  
****Tonight**_

A few weeks later, Mimi lay huddled under a park bench, shivering. The cold Christmas Eve air was only part of the reason. She had quit her job, and now she was going into serious withdrawal. She also couldn't afford her AZT and the effects of that wreaked havoc on her body. As she started to close her eyes, she was vaguely aware of voices that she barely recognized.  
"_I think I see her."  
_"_Mimi?"  
_"_Oh, my God! It is her!"  
_"_Mimi!"  
_The voices were now in front of her. She moaned in pain as she broke into a sweat. A hand went to her forehead.  
"_She's burning up."  
_"_We gotta get her back to her apartment."  
_"Roger…"She moaned as a pair of arms wrapped around her and lifted her out from under the bench.  
"_No, sweetie. It's Joanne,"_ said the first voice, now in her ear.  
"_And Maureen,"_ the other voice added.  
"Roger," she moaned again.  
"_It's okay,"_ Joanne's voice consoled her. _"Roger's back. We'll take you to him."_

**_I'll paint it on the walls  
_****_'Cause I'm the one at fault  
_**_**I'll never fight again  
****And this is how it ends**_

Mimi heard several voices surrounding her as she was laid on something hard, and she felt something warm being laid over her. One voice in particular stood out.  
"Mimi?"  
"Roger," she muttered, struggling to open her eyes. She looked and saw him above her, smiling, but with tears in his eyes. She reached up and put a hand on his cheek. He held that hand close to his face.  
"There's something I should have told you." She tried to ask what, but the word wouldn't come. "I love you." She smiled gently as her eyelids fluttered shut.

**_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
_****_Or why I have to scream  
_****_But now I have some clarity  
_****_To show you what I mean  
_****_I don't know how I got this way  
_****_I'll never be all right  
_****_So I'm breaking the habit  
_****_I'm breaking the habit  
_**_**I'm breaking the habit  
****Tonight**_

_"Mimi…"_  
She was surrounded by a bright, warm light. This must have been Heaven.  
_"Mimi…"  
_Mimi turned at the familiar voice and gasped.  
_"Angel?"  
_There, walking towards her, was Angel. She looked great. There were no signs of AIDS. She was dressed in a beautiful white robe, wearing her black wig.  
_"Is this real?"_  
"_Mimi, you'd better go back and listen to what that boy's saying."  
_Mimi didn't respond.  
_"Okay?"_  
Mimi slowly nodded. The light began to dim as Angel's image faded.  
"_Tell the others I love them all. Especially Collins."  
_Mimi opened her eyes and sat bolt upright. Roger and the others gasped and crowded around the table.  
"What happened?" Roger asked, stroking her hair. Mimi told them. Maureen put her hand on her forehead and smiled.  
"Her fever's breaking." They all smiled, grateful to be together, at least for now.

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**Well, what'd you think? I made myself cry after I re-read it. :'-( but it ended up happy. Yay! Anyway, please review.**


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